Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire

Excerpt : Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a

Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire

There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a few. I recently had the pleasure of being featured on a radio program, Coaching Corners in New York in which I spoke about creating your dream family by becoming the parent you want to be. Many parents have this hope but do not know where to begin and how to get there. Others know what to do but get side tracked; finding their present state of their family is far from what they want it to be. I hope this article will help those who are new parents create your dream family and those seeking to transform your family. I want to make parenting easier, more meaningful and encourage parents in their efforts.

Create your vision of your dream family. Look beyond the immediate behavior or situation seeking to be changed. Rather than focus on quick solutions, consider the big picture. The

“ Black Belt Parenting-The Art of Raising your Child for Success" Also see : Focus on the Family: Can Working Mothers Have Their Cake and Eat it Too Without Parenting Burnout? Not long ago “bringing home the bacon” was the father’s role but now working mothers are “bringing home the bacon” too. Today, 50% of the mothers in our country (with children living at home) are working full time and most experience the stress...read more PARENTING DILEMMAS: FINDING SUPPORT ONLINE The role of being a parent is full of trials and tribulations. The good times are great, but the bad times can make you feel frustrated and lonely. Friendly advice: to take it or not? Confiding in friends and family about problems at home is...read more

big picture reflects the long term or the more important values you are trying to make an impact upon. Corporations and businesses find they are more successful with a vision and mission statement to guide the daily efforts of their leaders and teams. You are leading your family toward a vision.

Ask yourself: What are your values and greatest desires for your family? Who are your parent role models and mentors? What families do you aspire to be like? What is your definition of success and happiness for your family? What experiences from childhood do you want to bring or not to your parenting?

When considering your vision, you want to capture the essence of what you value and want to create.

Some examples of possible family visions include: 1. To teach and influence my children to be generous in spirit, have a contribution to make and become responsible citizens. 2. I want my home to be a safe haven, a place of laughter and fun in which my children want to be

Also see : Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Parenting Skills The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with parenting - but it made me think . . . 'Hello, Eastbank Football Club. Can I help you?' 'Good morning, may I speak with the Assistant Coach, please?' 'Oh, I'm sorry. He's still...read more Positive Parenting and Latex Allergies Learning to Live Positively with a Latex Allergy Your child has a latex allergy: Perhaps a mild allergy; perhaps a life-threatening one. Either way, you now have to help your child live with it. Of course, to do so, you need to be able...read more

home and the neighborhood children feel welcome. 3. I want to create a family which values learning and curiosity and celebration of one's uniqueness.

The above 3 combined can be one family's vision statement. It is important to note, one's vision and values are not to be judged. There are different versions of success and happiness.



Change yourself and you will have influence over the destiny of your family. You can influence the outcome of your child's self-esteem, behaviors, and values through your relationship, approach and modeling. Pay attention to how your communication, discipline methods, use of family time, habits and routines, and activities supports your vision. Many parents seek help with discipline issues. One of the most common errors a parent makes is in focusing on the wished for outcome. It is easy to get attached to the outcome of your efforts. The more attached to needing your child to change, the more likely to become frustrated and

Also see : Number 1 Key to Good Parenting The numbers are chilling. Teen suicide and homicide rates have tripled from twenty years ago. There is a 50% increase in childhood obesity. Teenage pregnancy rates are the highest for any Western society. SAT scores have plummeted. 15-20% of...read more Sharing Parenting Tips I faced a challenge when we started a family: my husband, Bill, had no domestic skills. He wanted to share parenting. His flexible hours as an academic allowed him to help at home. But he could barely boil an egg. Needless to say, our early...read more

unwilling to stay focused on you.

Here are some suggestions: Be very clear and focused on what you want to create (rather than stop) Let go of needing your children to be different Recognize and change your own behavior which interferes Have faith and patience with the process

One size does not fit all. Over the course of my 18 year career working with families, many parents have sought my services to deal with problem behavior hoping to find the 'right' strategy to 'cure' the behavior of their child. There are some strategies suited for some parents and some to others. Parents sift through many books seeking to find the answer. Some books conflict with others, some walk you through each step with what to expect and how to respond. It can seem overwhelming and confusing.

Instead of searching for the 'right' way to raise your children, you can: Experiment with approaches which seem in line with your philosophy Explore new possibilities, be creative Grow

Also see : Effective Parenting Techniques - How to use Time Out Successfully Dr Phil in his effective parenting survey of 17,000 people found that the two top challenges facing parents were making punishment work and improving school performance. In my experience as a class teacher and coach I have noticed that the...read more Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child There is much literature on how to parent challenging children these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not typically address the child with special parenting needs and a special parenting understanding. A child that has been...read more

along with your children, learning from mistakes, being willing to struggle Use your unique strengths and skills Pay attention to your intuition

When you keep the big picture in mind, the choice of parenting strategy will become apparent to you. In other words, have a vision and your approach will follow hence making parenting easier and more meaningful.

Change necessary areas of your life to support your family vision. You can make your family a priority without losing yourself or your marriage in the process. Staying on track with your parenting efforts can be supported by other areas of your life.

Example areas to keep in check: Health and well being. If you are exhausted, you will get in the way of your dream becoming reality. Adequate sleep and leisure time for self are essential. In order to take care of yourself, admit you cannot do it all, acknowledge your struggles, and accept your own limitations. Even, ask for help!

Marital and

Also see : Parenting Resolutions for Character Builders, The Best Three Ever! Desmond Tutu said, "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as your are to them." Parents, you can help your gift grow into the best family ever by choosing the three resolutions below. Find out what they are and how to keep...read more Whole-Brained Grandparenting: The Baby Gift Expecting your first grandchild? I remember when I received the phone call that my firstborn was expecting his first. My head and my heart were full. I remembered back when we had placed that phone calls to our parents. I had expected hoots and...read more

co-parenting relationship. It is very important you share a similar vision and approach to parenting. Notice what you each contribute that may be different but equally valued. Give time to yourselves as a couple. Ah, the famous last words, "Remember, when we used to..."

Financial/Professional. Yes, you can seek financial/professional and family success together. It may be necessary to reevaluate the intent of your financial and work related goals if it is interfering with your family vision.

Just your interest in reading this article suggests how fortunate your child is for having you as a parent!

Copyright, Lisa Martelli, 2006



About the author:

Lisa Martelli of Baystate Coaching, www.baystatecoaching.com is a parent and career coach with over 18 years experience helping individuals realize their family and career goals and aspirations. She offers a free monthly enewsletter, lsia@baystatecoaching.com.

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