Parenting Teens - Getting Your Point Across

Excerpt : Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems

Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem. So how do you go about giving advice to a teen?

The short answer to this question is "don’t". Now at first glance this probably sounds ridiculous, after all parents have more experience of life and most would agree that a parent's job is to pass this experience onto their children. But the problem with giving advice is that it's really just a way of maintaining control. We often cover it up by saying we know what's best in the situation, we have the experience

“ Black Belt Parenting-The Art of Raising your Child for Success" Also see : Essential Parenting Lessons for Enriching Your Child’s Education “We have a science project due in two days and I don’t know when I’m going to get the time to finish it.” “I did research on the internet for the social studies report until midnight last night.” “We wrote the spelling words ten times before...read more Parenting: How to Set Limits for Young Children As a parent, you need to set limits and instill appropriate behavior in young children. Sometimes, the best ways to accomplish this are not very obvious. Here are several suggestions to help you accomplish this more easily. * Give specific...read more

and knowledge, but in reality what we're saying is what we want to happen, this is what we want you to do.

Adolescence is a time for learning to self-manage, to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's an essential process if your teen is to become a well-adjusted, fully functioning adult ready for the 21st century. And a fundamental part of the process is handing over control to your teen.

For most parents this is a really scary thought. They're concerned about what will happen if they do, that if they give up some control it will mean they lose all control. They're concerned about what their teen will do or what happens if they get it wrong, in other words they feel a need to protect their teen.

Firstly, handing over control at

Also see : Parenting Teens: The Future A look at a possible alternative for our future. In the future, parents won't send their teenagers off to summer camp or junior high. The states came up with a better plan. On a child's 12 1/2 birthday, Mom and Dad would help him pack his bag...read more Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a few. I recently had the pleasure of being...read more

this stage is more about handing over responsibility and accountability on how to do something, not handing over total control. It's about letting your teen have an involvement in how to solve a particular problem, it's about teaching them problem solving skills. If you always provide the solution how will they ever learn to do it for themselves?

Secondly, your teen is very likely to get it 'wrong', to make mistakes and what is wrong about that? You’re teaching them how to self-correct, just as they did when they first learned to ride a bike and kept falling off. Making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process; more learning comes from making mistakes than comes from getting it 'right'. How much does it really matter if they don’t get it 'right' first

Also see : Parenting Just Right - The Number One Secret Our number one secret is a simple formula that will help you parent Just Right. You'll be in control of your emotions, proud of your behavior, and pleased with your child's reactions. Let's find out how. I remember a young father who took his...read more The Challenges of Single Parenting Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I’ve discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through...read more

time or choose the 'best' alternative?

Finally, is your solution the 'best'? It's easy to forget that our children are different to us when thinking about a solution to a problem. The solution may be the best one for you, but is it the best one for your teen?

Giving advice by telling teens what to do is only one way of passing on a parent's knowledge, there are other ways of achieving the same outcome and with a higher likelihood of success. And it's how you pass on that experience that makes the difference.

How to Get Your Point Across

1. Ask before you give. Always ask your teen if they want your advice before you start to give it. If they say, "yes please" then go ahead and have your say, if they say "no" respect their

   Also see : First Time Parenting Woes Whether you are 24 or 34, parenting is hard work. Has anyone ever said this to you before? Have you ever thought to yourself how hard can it possibly be to change diapers and feed someone? Well, as a new mom to a seven month old I am here to tell...read more Step Parenting Power Tool: Using Family Rituals and Traditions to Create Identit If you are in a step family and struggling for some sense of family identity, don't despair. You can enhance your feeling of togetherness with the use of family rituals and traditions. Step Parenting Power Tool: Using Family Rituals and...read more

   decision and keep quiet.
   
   
2. Question their intent. If your teen has refused advice, ask them specific questions about how they’re going to handle the situation. Asking questions about smaller 'parts' of the problem is a way to at least get your teen to think about what’s involved.
   
   
3. Provide information instead. Directing your teen to a source of information that's neutral allows your teen access to information without having to agree to your point of view.
   
   
4. Give your teen time. Just because your teen hasn't given you an immediate answer to your question doesn't mean they’re ignoring it. Give them time to go away and think about the answers.
   
   
5. Highlight their qualities. Reminding teens of their strengths

   Also see : Help for Parents: Top 5 Parenting Concerns - Conquered! Whether it's looking for information on the safety of your toddler's toys or finding out about your teen's chats, searching for financial help for single parents, or looking for advice on a teen's job, isn't it amazing how much time you...read more Whole-Brained Grandparenting: The Baby Gift Expecting your first grandchild? I remember when I received the phone call that my firstborn was expecting his first. My head and my heart were full. I remembered back when we had placed that phone calls to our parents. I had expected hoots and...read more

   will focus their minds on choosing options that make the best of them. Focus on their weaknesses and they're likely to lose confidence in doing anything.
   
   
6. Listen to your teen. Often just listening to your teen without interrupting will show you that you don't even need to give advice; your teen already has a solution.
   
   

   About the Author

   Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.
   
   

   Revolutionary 'Mom Has Fun' Parenting Method For Raising Happy Well-Behaved Kids!

   ---

   More Parenting Articles

   
   
   Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
   Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces...
   
   Parenting Teens: The Future
   A look at a possible alternative for our future. In the future, parents won't send their...
   
   
   

   ---

   Practical Parenting Advice | sitemap
   copyright www.parentingadvices.com 2006
   Warning: include() [function.include]: URL file-access is disabled in the server configuration in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19
   
   Warning: include(http://www.ultrasonicspabath.com/adsenselogger.inc) [function.include]: failed to open stream: no suitable wrapper could be found in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19
   
   Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening 'http://www.ultrasonicspabath.com/adsenselogger.inc' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19