Parenting Teens - Getting Your Point Across

Excerpt : Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems

Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem. So how do you go about giving advice to a teen?

The short answer to this question is "don’t". Now at first glance this probably sounds ridiculous, after all parents have more experience of life and most would agree that a parent's job is to pass this experience onto their children. But the problem with giving advice is that it's really just a way of maintaining control. We often cover it up by saying we know what's best in the situation, we have the experience

“ Black Belt Parenting-The Art of Raising your Child for Success" Also see : Cyber Parenting 101 Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they are not. They seem to use that as an excuse to not be informed and "trust" their children to do what is right in an environment that is clearly risky. When it comes to underage...read more Parenting Strategies !! 6 Simple Strategies that Will Aid Your Home Business !! Copyright 2002 (c) Dave Hertner, All rights Reserved. Permission is granted to electronically reprint the following article, in your publication, e-book or web site, as long as there are no changes made to the copyright info and the resource box...read more

and knowledge, but in reality what we're saying is what we want to happen, this is what we want you to do.

Adolescence is a time for learning to self-manage, to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's an essential process if your teen is to become a well-adjusted, fully functioning adult ready for the 21st century. And a fundamental part of the process is handing over control to your teen.

For most parents this is a really scary thought. They're concerned about what will happen if they do, that if they give up some control it will mean they lose all control. They're concerned about what their teen will do or what happens if they get it wrong, in other words they feel a need to protect their teen.

Firstly, handing over control at

Also see : Parenting and Running a Home-Based Business An Ann Landers column "Parenthood is not a job for the weak at heart" caught my interest. Job Description for a Parent Position: Parent Job Description: Long-term player needed for challenging, permanent work in chaotic environment....read more Best Online Parenting Advice All of us want to be the best parent we can be, but we sometimes doubt whether we are doing what's best for our children. Good parenting skills are learned; we're not born with them. But where should you go for parenting advice and tips? There...read more

this stage is more about handing over responsibility and accountability on how to do something, not handing over total control. It's about letting your teen have an involvement in how to solve a particular problem, it's about teaching them problem solving skills. If you always provide the solution how will they ever learn to do it for themselves?

Secondly, your teen is very likely to get it 'wrong', to make mistakes and what is wrong about that? You’re teaching them how to self-correct, just as they did when they first learned to ride a bike and kept falling off. Making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process; more learning comes from making mistakes than comes from getting it 'right'. How much does it really matter if they don’t get it 'right' first

Also see : Keeping the Stress out of Single Parenting Researched through personal experience! by Marta Dodd Budget Your Money. Even if you are living paycheck to paycheck like most of us, knowing how much money goes to where can be a big help. This gives you the relief that the bills are being...read more Parenting---Roots and Wings I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article. As parents, we pray for our...read more

time or choose the 'best' alternative?

Finally, is your solution the 'best'? It's easy to forget that our children are different to us when thinking about a solution to a problem. The solution may be the best one for you, but is it the best one for your teen?

Giving advice by telling teens what to do is only one way of passing on a parent's knowledge, there are other ways of achieving the same outcome and with a higher likelihood of success. And it's how you pass on that experience that makes the difference.

How to Get Your Point Across

1. Ask before you give. Always ask your teen if they want your advice before you start to give it. If they say, "yes please" then go ahead and have your say, if they say "no" respect their

   Also see : 5 Tips for Successful Grandparenting Building on the cherished connection between grandparents and grandchildren is a life-long privilege. As grandchildren grow and mature the role grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren changes but the principals remain true at any age. ...read more Sharing parenting responsibilities So you’re a new parent? Congratulations! But have you thought about all the extra responsibility you’ve just taken on? Welcome to the world of parenting responsibilities. Your life has just changed, and it’s not about to go back to the way...read more

   decision and keep quiet.
   
   
2. Question their intent. If your teen has refused advice, ask them specific questions about how they’re going to handle the situation. Asking questions about smaller 'parts' of the problem is a way to at least get your teen to think about what’s involved.
   
   
3. Provide information instead. Directing your teen to a source of information that's neutral allows your teen access to information without having to agree to your point of view.
   
   
4. Give your teen time. Just because your teen hasn't given you an immediate answer to your question doesn't mean they’re ignoring it. Give them time to go away and think about the answers.
   
   
5. Highlight their qualities. Reminding teens of their strengths

   Also see : Parenting: Ten Things You Can Do to Develop Your Baby's Language Skills The growth of your baby's language skills is an amazing process. In the short space of a year, she goes from crying to speaking intelligible words. Can you do anything to help baby along? Apparently yes. There are ways to help the baby develop...read more Tools for Parenting - Anger Management for Families (Part 2) Dr. Kevin Nunley USE THE MEDIA--marketing help for biz. "Do News Releases Work?" Invariably, when I talk with business people on-line, someone asks that question. Many of us have sent out a press release only to...read more

   will focus their minds on choosing options that make the best of them. Focus on their weaknesses and they're likely to lose confidence in doing anything.
   
   
6. Listen to your teen. Often just listening to your teen without interrupting will show you that you don't even need to give advice; your teen already has a solution.
   
   

   About the Author

   Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.
   
   

   Revolutionary 'Mom Has Fun' Parenting Method For Raising Happy Well-Behaved Kids!

   ---

   More Parenting Articles

   
   
   Parenting Tip: The 7 Step Guide to Child Development Using Teaching Material with Child Stories
   Copyright 2006 Paul Arinaga Child stories are an excellent way to promote child...
   
   Parenting 20-Something Kids...Still?
   Aren’t we through with our parenting duties by the time our kids are 20-somethings? The truth...
   
   
   

   ---

   Practical Parenting Advice | sitemap
   copyright www.parentingadvices.com 2006
   Warning: include() [function.include]: URL file-access is disabled in the server configuration in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19
   
   Warning: include(http://www.ultrasonicspabath.com/adsenselogger.inc) [function.include]: failed to open stream: no suitable wrapper could be found in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19
   
   Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening 'http://www.ultrasonicspabath.com/adsenselogger.inc' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/parentin/public_html/php/footer.php on line 19