Parenting

Excerpt : This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father. The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.

The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.

In more extreme situations, many of the approaches will still be directly useful, and the overall approach is a guide for what the extreme situation needs to come back to.

It would also be very useful to attend relationship and/or family counselling to uncover the deeper sources of any family conflict.

Main points:

• Often, it is the unresolved trauma or early needs in the parents or caregivers that set up the behaviour and feelings of the child, so an absolutely necessary first step is for the caregiver to acknowledge and begin to deal with their own unresolved unconscious processes and reactivity.
  

• The main thing that children need is to be genuinely liked and delighted-in. They instinctively know your feelings about them. Parents need to arrange their lives so that they have enough opportunity to

  “ Black Belt Parenting-The Art of Raising your Child for Success" Also see : Parenting Manual Just when we seem to have parenting techniques that work with the first child we discover that they don’t work with the next. Wouldn’t it be great if children were born with instructions? When you understand your children’s perceptual styles,...read more Traditional Parenting Techniques Linked to Brain Stress Until recently, traditional parenting techniques such as consequences, points and rewards, and spanking have been used by parents throughout the world as effective measures of correction for behaviors deemed socially inappropriate. In fact, schools...read more

  feel and express delight in their children.
  

  Children have a primary need to be played with, and talked to, with actual connection, imagination to imagination - eg, on the floor, both delighting in the building and toppling of the blocks!
  

  The imagination connection has to be real - kids know! It’s as real a need as food.
  

• The second most important thing is that the parent’s relationship is the priority – not the children. The children need the parents to be the priority as well, as this gives them stability, security and example.
  

• There is no such thing as "naughty" - there is always a reason for crying and "misbehaving".
  

• How you want your child to be, you need to be yourself – there is no avoiding this, children are acutely aware of hypocrisy and "natural" justice. Be honest about yourself with them – you don’t have to be “perfect”, just honest.
  

• If children are considered as an inhibition on your "lifestyle", there will be problems - they love to be included in what you do (exclusion is very damaging).
  

  It takes much

  Also see : First Time Parenting Woes Whether you are 24 or 34, parenting is hard work. Has anyone ever said this to you before? Have you ever thought to yourself how hard can it possibly be to change diapers and feed someone? Well, as a new mom to a seven month old I am here to tell...read more Mom vs. Dad: Navigating Parenting Differences With All Good Intentions Let’s face it: raising children can be quite the adventure. Rewarding at one turn, challenging at the next – it’s the ultimate roller-coaster for the parenting thrill seeker. In the Game of Life, you rolled the dice and accepted the role of...read more

  less effort overall, to actually pay real attention to, and to play with children on a genuine level, than to have them continually whining, crying, sulking and demanding.
  

• Be consistent and sparing with commands and discipline – a continual barrage of un-enforced, or inconsistently, enforced "don’ts" just makes children switch off to what you say. (This can be very dangerous, when an especially important "don't" comes along).
  

  It is very important to consistently apply previously stated consequences to any inappropriate behaviour.
  

  It is also very important that rules are fair and adhered to by the parents as well.
  

• Fairness is very important. Real, and/or perceived unfairness is probably the main trigger of conflict (even with adults).
  

• Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible.
  

  Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as the socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only

  Also see : 10 Parenting Tips For All New Parents If you are like most parents, you probably want to raise healthy, smart kids. You may already have some ideas on how to achieve this. Here are some parenting tips that will help parents ensure their children develop to their full potential....read more What Is Good Parenting? Good parenting, to a high extent is based on common sense. At least it should be. If you want to raise your children with success, ask yourself as the life experienced person you are, which values do I want to transfer to them as a parent which are...read more

  "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.
  

• Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.
  

• Encourage physical and emotional “robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don’t over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it’s a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance.
  

  Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with the "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).
  

• Uninhibited physical contact is very important – avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse – as parents and caregivers we must do the work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.
  

• Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty.
  

  (A person, who is

  Also see : 3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek. 1. Failure To Act According To Child's Best Interest This divorce parenting mistake stem...read more Parenting: How to Set Limits for Young Children As a parent, you need to set limits and instill appropriate behavior in young children. Sometimes, the best ways to accomplish this are not very obvious. Here are several suggestions to help you accomplish this more easily. * Give specific...read more

  happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or the planet).
  

• Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).
  

• Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space – if they over-daydream, it’s possible that there is some unresolved issue in the child’s life that needs attending to.
  

• Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.
  

• Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.
  

• Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.
  

• Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having,

  Also see : MORAL ARMOR'S Irrational Parenting, Part II Handing Down Malignancy. Children may begin bright and eager to face the world, but are often inundated with the conditioning of their fear-ridden predecessors speaking of lost dreams—taken by no one in particular. Their guardians appear...read more What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children? It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting practices for children of any age for them to be...read more

  yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.
  

Summary

• The child needs to be genuinely delighted in.
  

• No parent is "perfect" – intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important.
  

• Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving.
  

• No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.
  

Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology.

His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches.

Author/illustrator children’s books and co-creator of a music CD.

Related web site: www.becomereal.com

Revolutionary 'Mom Has Fun' Parenting Method For Raising Happy Well-Behaved Kids!

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