Parenting

Excerpt : This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father. The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.

The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.

In more extreme situations, many of the approaches will still be directly useful, and the overall approach is a guide for what the extreme situation needs to come back to.

It would also be very useful to attend relationship and/or family counselling to uncover the deeper sources of any family conflict.

Main points:

• Often, it is the unresolved trauma or early needs in the parents or caregivers that set up the behaviour and feelings of the child, so an absolutely necessary first step is for the caregiver to acknowledge and begin to deal with their own unresolved unconscious processes and reactivity.
  

• The main thing that children need is to be genuinely liked and delighted-in. They instinctively know your feelings about them. Parents need to arrange their lives so that they have enough opportunity to

  “ Black Belt Parenting-The Art of Raising your Child for Success" Also see : Parenting Yourself When You Have Small Children PARENTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE SMALL CHILDREN By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. There’s no doubt about it - parenting small children takes a lot of time. So much time that it’s very easy to forget about your child within. Yet you cannot be a really good...read more Parenting Strategies !! 6 Simple Strategies that Will Aid Your Home Business !! Copyright 2002 (c) Dave Hertner, All rights Reserved. Permission is granted to electronically reprint the following article, in your publication, e-book or web site, as long as there are no changes made to the copyright info and the resource box...read more

  feel and express delight in their children.
  

  Children have a primary need to be played with, and talked to, with actual connection, imagination to imagination - eg, on the floor, both delighting in the building and toppling of the blocks!
  

  The imagination connection has to be real - kids know! It’s as real a need as food.
  

• The second most important thing is that the parent’s relationship is the priority – not the children. The children need the parents to be the priority as well, as this gives them stability, security and example.
  

• There is no such thing as "naughty" - there is always a reason for crying and "misbehaving".
  

• How you want your child to be, you need to be yourself – there is no avoiding this, children are acutely aware of hypocrisy and "natural" justice. Be honest about yourself with them – you don’t have to be “perfect”, just honest.
  

• If children are considered as an inhibition on your "lifestyle", there will be problems - they love to be included in what you do (exclusion is very damaging).
  

  It takes much

  Also see : The Four Parenting Styles The following article offers some insight to those involved in the wonderful world known as Parenting. There are just as many parenting styles as there are a number of parents. Experts believe the parenting styles fall into 4 different and...read more Traditional Parenting Techniques Linked to Brain Stress Until recently, traditional parenting techniques such as consequences, points and rewards, and spanking have been used by parents throughout the world as effective measures of correction for behaviors deemed socially inappropriate. In fact, schools...read more

  less effort overall, to actually pay real attention to, and to play with children on a genuine level, than to have them continually whining, crying, sulking and demanding.
  

• Be consistent and sparing with commands and discipline – a continual barrage of un-enforced, or inconsistently, enforced "don’ts" just makes children switch off to what you say. (This can be very dangerous, when an especially important "don't" comes along).
  

  It is very important to consistently apply previously stated consequences to any inappropriate behaviour.
  

  It is also very important that rules are fair and adhered to by the parents as well.
  

• Fairness is very important. Real, and/or perceived unfairness is probably the main trigger of conflict (even with adults).
  

• Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible.
  

  Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as the socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only

  Also see : Parenting: How to Set Limits for Young Children As a parent, you need to set limits and instill appropriate behavior in young children. Sometimes, the best ways to accomplish this are not very obvious. Here are several suggestions to help you accomplish this more easily. * Give specific...read more Parenting---Roots and Wings I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article. As parents, we pray for our...read more

  "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.
  

• Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.
  

• Encourage physical and emotional “robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don’t over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it’s a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance.
  

  Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with the "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).
  

• Uninhibited physical contact is very important – avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse – as parents and caregivers we must do the work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.
  

• Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty.
  

  (A person, who is

  Also see : 12 Parenting Tips For Parents In a child's education an important factor is the parents' expertise for the "job". No one is born holding all the knowledge, but we can learn and understand things from books or take the advice of qualified persons. Amongst the commandments...read more Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child There is much literature on how to parent challenging children these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not typically address the child with special parenting needs and a special parenting understanding. A child that has been...read more

  happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or the planet).
  

• Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).
  

• Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space – if they over-daydream, it’s possible that there is some unresolved issue in the child’s life that needs attending to.
  

• Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.
  

• Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.
  

• Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.
  

• Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having,

  Also see : Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving Parenting Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept her on a tight leash. They rarely considered her feelings about anything, showing a complete lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. If she came home five minutes...read more Post-It Style Parenting I love 3M's Post-It Notes, and keep a stack of colorful pads always near at hand. They're good for flagging edits on a manuscript, for communicating with others in my home when we're busy living separately during the day, or for jotting down...read more

  yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.
  

Summary

• The child needs to be genuinely delighted in.
  

• No parent is "perfect" – intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important.
  

• Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving.
  

• No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.
  

Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology.

His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches.

Author/illustrator children’s books and co-creator of a music CD.

Related web site: www.becomereal.com

Revolutionary 'Mom Has Fun' Parenting Method For Raising Happy Well-Behaved Kids!

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